f it weren't for the fact that I never stopped in the first place, it'd be enough to get me collecting again. That's how great Bandai's new Soul of Chogokin "Afrodai A" is.

There's also no question that this is one really weird toy. The beige-and-orange color scheme looks like my parents' "rumpus room" from 1976. And speaking of mommy and daddy, the breast-firing gimmick has got to be one of the most Oedipal weapons ever incorporated into a robot design. Somehow, though, it all pulls together. Female forms are so rare in the pantheon of Japanese giant robot designs that Aphrodite (as "Afurodai" translates into English) is a stand-out the second she comes out of her styrofoam (oh, glorious styrofoam) tray.

A well-done quartet of diecast renditions of the various 'Ladies of Mazinger' hit shelves well over a year ago thanks to our license-evading friends in Hong Kong. But as you might expect, Bandai's take on the subject is in another league altogether. Let's take a look at what makes this lovely lady tick.

The Good:
-Only the head, hands, and (I cannot believe I'm saying this) boobies are plastic. Incredible diecast content for a ¥3,500 toy.

- Yeah, I saw you reading that again. ¥3,500. Talk about a cheap date.

- Speaking of which, it's about damn time someone actually engineered an Aphrodite toy with firing boobies. (Uh, not that I was WAITING for it or anything.)

- Unlike her Hong Kong soul-sisters, this Aphrodite can actually stand unassisted.

- She's a limber little minx. (Did I actually just say that?)

- Beautiful enameled paint job.

-An actual glassed-in (well, plasticed-in) cockpit! Pinch me.

The Bad:
- Speaking of cheap dates, those ball-joints are almost certain to get loose after, um, extended play. (Whatever hideous form that may take.)

- Good lord, that's the only bad point I can think of! Chalk up a big negative for not giving this jaded collector more to complain about.

The Ugly:
- The ability to swap Aphrodite's C-cup missiles for a pair of quadruple-Ds -- complete with nipples -- is enough to enthrall and enflame lonesome, single collectors even more than usual. DOWN, boys.

- The thought of the obscene fetish-porn websites this toy series is certain to spawn is enough to make me stop frequenting those used-panty vending machines in downtown Tokyo.

And there you have it! I'm still absolutely dumbstruck that a toy this perfectly done costs only thirty dollars. Unbelievable. In fact, there's really no way anyone could have done it any better. Buy! Buy! Buy!