5/1/00: Mad Hurricane!

"Mad Hurricane." It just rolls right off the tongue, don't it? This is the kind of crappy standard-sized vinyl that makes men weep: just cool enough that you can convince yourself to buy it, just stupid enough for you to get whacked by regret the minute you walk out the door. But then the next day, as you imagine the dealer laughing his ass off for finally moving the piece, it hits you: this sucker ain't half bad! In fact, it's kinda cool! I mean, look at those child-bearing hips, the enormous fists, the Zippy-esque pinhead. There's something unsavory and Oedipal going on here, but let's not even go there. And the box? Jesus, LOOK AT THE BOX!

It's got this boudoir anime-cel rendering of your stubby little hero in all his glory, child-bearing hips and all. Sexual confusion aside, you know you've got to pick up the trusty ol' "Super Robot Chronicles" and figure out just where the hell your new pal hails from. Since in this hypothetical situation you're ME and have all the superpowers that come with the position, you're able to thumb through and read the moronic little captions under the hastily-drawn pics of those robotic heroes who've you've mortgaged your house, your dog, your very soul to own. And hey, there he is! Right there in the background of that tiny thumbnail shot on the bottom left of page 107! Well, I'll be damned! "Pla-Wrestler Sanshiro"! Never heard of this little gem before.....Let's look up the plot. What the--? Kids building little foot-tall robots that wrestle each other? Jesus, that sounds suspiciously like POKEMON! My god, what have you bought? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? Mike Z's ghostly laugh echoing through your brain, you swear off collecting for the fiftieth time. Until next week, when you see that Sasuraiger piece you've been looking for. Sucka. The end.

2/18/00: Toycom Valks!

TBDX Irregular YAPPY has done it again! Using the not-insignifigant feminine wiles of his faithful fraulein POKEMISTRESS, he managed to bluff his way into ToyFair, the annual convention for the toy industry held in New York City. Their lax security procedures are your gain, as you can see from this pile o' photos Yap-meister managed to score of the TOYCOM VALKYRIES from the Macross Plus animated series! Check out the sensuous shapes, the creamy colors, the delicious details! SOMEBODY STOP ME BEFORE I BUY 'EM ALL! Yappy says they're even bigger than expected, measuring in at nearly ten inches of lust-stokingly cool diecast and plastic. Look for these fully transforming beauties in the near future -- or put in a pre-order at ROBOZONE, one of the main distributors!

--M.A.

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