It was thus that I found myself recently bidding on a toy the likes of which I'd never seen before -- nay, the likes of which NOBODY'D ever seen before, save for Mike Parisi, in whose closet it slumbered, waiting to be discovered and displayed and loved again. Sure, the box was beat to hell. And of course, it was missing a missile and sword. And the fists were cracked; no rocket-punching for this guy anymore. But when I heard Takemi mini-machinder, I was in for the ride, no questions asked.

I closed the deal, paid, and waited. The big day finally arrived: I came home from work, saw the slip waiting in my mailbox, ran to the front desk of my apartment building to grab the sucker. And being the great guy that I am, I just can't help but share the bowel-churning excitement I felt upon first opening the box. So, with great fanfare, I cordially invite you to feast your eyes on the incredible, disco-tized Takemi Super Magical Combining Gingaizer Big Robo Gran-Fighter. How's that for a name?

Gingaizer was a 1977 sequel, sort of, to the Machine Blaster animated series. And although it's all but forgotten today (hell, it was all but forgotten when it actually AIRED), it featured some seriously slammin' old-school mech design -- just check out that mid-Seventies font on this bad boy's chest. Look at that blocky, funky body! And the head! Those mascara-ed eyelashes get me every time.

Takemi's never really been known for spectacular engineering, and Gran-Fighter's no exception: the arm-springs they used are about a hundred times too strong. This would've been great for causing some severe eye-damage on the playground, but it's not so great considering that the amount of pressure on the millimeter-thick firing pin when "locked and loaded" was far, far too high for the tolerance of the material. And thus the mighty Big Robo Gran-Fighter came to find himself....impotent. But all's not lost: punches or not, Gran-Fighter's got a final trick up his sleeve. With the aid of what can only be termed a prosthesis, he "transforms" into the grubbiest, grooviest tractor trailer you've ever seen. And true to form, the sucker even fires a pair of rubber-tipped missiles. (It's kinda like Optimus Prime on 'shrooms.) Utter bliss! Toy-lust, thy name is TAKEMI!