Dating and the ToyRoom of DOOM(R)

Posted by jacksauce 
Paulkaiju Wrote:
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> "post adolescence"
> Where you dump toys for a spell and get to learn
> that girls don't play with toys but play with your
> head then you learn your lesson and it's right
> back to toys.
> Now you are a man.


OR...You finally find a girl who likes toys AND doesn't play with your head, and then it becomes about wrestling with the fact that human beings who have a lot in common can think in such different ways that what is meaningless to one is a knife in the heart to the other, and you try to get by with your complicated lady and your toys and your job and that's life, man.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/10/2010 12:12PM by josh fraser.
Erik Sjoen (Admin)
jacksauce Wrote:
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> OR...You finally find a girl who likes toys AND
> doesn't play with your head, and then it becomes
> about wrestling with the fact that human beings
> who have a lot in common can think in such
> different ways that what is meaningless to one is
> a knife in the heart to the other, and you try to
> get by with your complicated lady and your toys
> and your job and that's life, man.


Dude, are you spying on my wife and I? ;)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/10/2010 12:12PM by josh fraser.
That's the FINAL phase.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/10/2010 12:12PM by josh fraser.
"post adolescence"
Where you dump toys for a spell and get to learn that girls don't play with toys but play with your head then you learn your lesson and it's right back to toys.
Now you are a man.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/09/2010 09:11AM by josh fraser.
It's too bad that the information platform that allowed me to discover and fall in love with these toys is also the cause of the financial barrier that prevents me from amassing my favorite specimens.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/09/2010 09:11AM by josh fraser.
I really don't see a reason to bring toys up on the 2nd or even 6th date. really, its just a thing. I'm into cars, but i'm not going to bore a girl on our first date about the supercharger i'm installing, or how the wing is going to add downforce to the rear wheels for better handling, but at the expense of top speed due to increased drag. Or I could go on about my job and all the technical details that no one gives a fuck about, myself included, even though it makes me sound smart because i know what i'm talking about. Really. That stuff doesn't get you laid most of the time.
I find the best thing to do is wait til you get her back at your place, and at some point, oh, yeah i got some robots over there. Act like its no big thing and either she'll dig it, blow it off, or get weirded out.
Based on her reaction you can decide if you want to pursue it or move on, but its a good idea to wait for her to bring it up next time. That means she's interested in it, or interested enough in you to deal with it.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/09/2010 09:12AM by josh fraser.
what the fuck just happened



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/09/2010 09:12AM by josh fraser.
Sanjeev (Admin)
Adventures in moderating!

;)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/09/2010 09:12AM by josh fraser.
mcfitch (Admin)
The thread split is supposed to take the marked post and all replies. Instead it took just the marked post. Sorry.
-Mason

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Matthewalt "I actually kinda LIKE that approach! You know: let's make a TOY. Remember those? Products designed to be played with without breaking? DO YOU REMEMBER, LOVE?!"



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/09/2010 09:12AM by josh fraser.
josh fraser (Moderator)
Yeah how do we fix that? This sort of made it even worse.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/09/2010 09:13AM by josh fraser.
Copy the offending posts into this thread, delete those posts from the original, and then change the title of this thread?

--
SilhouetteFormula.Net
Separate points that I'm too lazy to tie together right now:

- If you primarily identify as "a toy collector" to yourself, friends and dates, this could be part of the problem. You're associating who you are with something you occasionally consume. Would you go around saying that you're "a pizza eater" just because you like to eat pizza once in a while? No, you wouldn't.

- I'm currently dating a girl who describes the prospect of seeing Star Wars or Jurassic Park as "the seventh level of hell." She knows that I like these things, but she still hangs with me because we both understand that things like the movies you like don't define a person. She knows that I have a few toys on display in the apartment, and I'm not nervous at all about when she comes over for the first time, which leads me to...

- If 50% or more of your living space is taken up by your collection (think 40 Year Old Virgin), then yes, you're a freak, and you'll have to find a woman who accepts or enjoys freaks, or digs this stuff herself. I'm not just talking about geek stuff like comics or toys, this goes for everything: records, roller skates, bedpans, guitars, etc.

- Remember that unlike guitars, records, etc., geek stuff has its own stigma because most of it (like comics and toys) are things people usually associate with children. Don't try and legitimize things by letting people know that you paid hundreds or thousands of dollars for some toy, just surrender to the fact that you are a decades-old child and when you saw it, you wanted it.

And aren't there like a kerjillion threads here on this very topic? ;p
The only reason I started down this road in the other posting was due to the start-up of the "women are evil" theme that was beginning to errupt in the conversation. I didn't chime in when the thread about the alleged wife of a collector who tossed her husband's collection into the trash was going on, as I was pretty much freaked out by how hostile that conversation got.

None of us are going to be able to list a set of rules that will lead you to dating happiness as a toy collector, but I think that discussions that deal with and vent the frustrations of members of this "community" in this area is a great topic to discuss.

I'm sure that this site serves as a support group for members in different aspects, which is not a bad thing at all. I wouldn't dare start giving advice on what haircut, clothes, etc. you need to change to get a girl (however, the Mazinga tatoo on your forehead may need re-examinatin). But I would guess that socially, most of us have a lot in common with how we grew up and where we fit into schools, jobs, etc.; and can just share experiences in balancing aspects of our lives with the hobby, especially in terms of dating.

-Adam
>this goes for everything: records, roller skates, bedpans, guitars, etc.

Damn it! I KNEW I should have kept my vintage bedpan collection confined to one room!
mcfitch (Admin)
Well in case of emergency wouldn't you want one in every room?
-Mason

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Matthewalt "I actually kinda LIKE that approach! You know: let's make a TOY. Remember those? Products designed to be played with without breaking? DO YOU REMEMBER, LOVE?!"
You've seen this guy on TV, right?

[www.clevelandseniors.com]

He's usually profiled alongside the Ninja Turtle girl.

[www.metrotimes.com]



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/09/2010 02:33PM by Roger.
Roger Wrote:
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> - If you primarily identify as "a toy collector"
> to yourself, friends and dates, this could be part
> of the problem. You're associating who you are
> with something you occasionally consume. Would you
> go around saying that you're "a pizza eater" just
> because you like to eat pizza once in a while? No,
> you wouldn't.

But a lot of people do just that. Think of how many people dub themselves "foodies". Or get all obsessive about wine and amass piles of useless knowledge about what vintages pair best with what meats. Or plaster themselves with fucking Harley logos. And so on. They're all some sort of trainspotting wankers at heart. And it's not cool to call them on it. Which I think gets closer to the heart of the problem with identifying as a toy collector.

It's not that being a collector or aficionado of anything is inherently unacceptable. It's practically a first-world standard to act like that in some capacity. The "problem" is the existing stereotypes attached to those interests. Motorcycles, alcohol, and sports are already imbued with powerful masculine connotations while toys are not. Hell, the word "toy" practically screams "inconsequential" in every sense.


> - If 50% or more of your living space is taken up
> by your collection (think 40 Year Old Virgin),
> then yes, you're a freak, and you'll have to find
> a woman who accepts or enjoys freaks, or digs this
> stuff herself. I'm not just talking about geek
> stuff like comics or toys, this goes for
> everything: records, roller skates, bedpans,
> guitars, etc.

I personally find it a bit disconcerting when anyone dedicates too much time or attention to any one thing. Business, religion, drinking, fashion, cars, sports, etc. But not everyone does. There are a lot of people who excel in those areas because they're so obsessive. And, really, they're just tapping into existing social/economic structures of empowerment. Which is fine. But the "problem" for "toy-people" is that there exists a much, much smaller circle of empowerment. Or, maybe, none at all.

Which isn't surprising if you look at the history of toys. It wasn't until the merchandising of Star Wars that businesses in the US really took toys seriously. That was a major event and the business of toys has become increasingly sophisticated. But the public consciousness of toys hasn't caught up to that.

I had the pleasure of seeing this yuppie lady in her late thirties give her CEO husband shit at a public reception because of his line of work. She introduced him as, "A guy who makes toys," and apparently this wasn't the first time she pissed on him because the dood immediately snapped back, "You shouldn't talk like that. It's made millions for us." And without batting an eye she scoffed, "I still don't see how you can take playground equipment so seriously. It's embarrassing."

While it wasn't about action figures you can still get the message. The only thing the public takes seriously about the world of children is the marketable threat of kidnapping. Hell, people at large don't even take seriously the stuff schools serve their kids for lunch. How on earth are they supposed to treat toys, the epitome of childhood, with respect?


> - Remember that unlike guitars, records, etc.,
> geek stuff has its own stigma because most of it
> (like comics and toys) are things people usually
> associate with children.

Right. See above.


> ...just surrender to the fact that you are a
> decades-old child and when you saw it, you wanted
> it.

That seems... Inelegant. The concept of adulthood is at least as farcical as the death of childhood.
Eh, I think I got off track. 'Cause it ain't about toys.

The point is that no one should ever really expect their significant other to accept their pursuits as equal. Doesn't matter who you're with or what you do. They will never, ever, be as serious as the ones in which your partner is engaged. At best they can only be tolerated.
josh fraser (Moderator)
Just be happy you are getting laid,someone loves you, and enjoy your toys when you can. Everything else is cake.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/09/2010 11:09PM by josh fraser.
Just curious which part of that you had to go back and edit after re-reading.

The love, the toys, or the cake?
Quote

I had the pleasure of seeing this yuppie lady in her late thirties give her CEO husband shit at a public reception because of his line of work. She introduced him as, "A guy who makes toys," and apparently this wasn't the first time she pissed on him because the dood immediately snapped back, "You shouldn't talk like that. It's made millions for us." And without batting an eye she scoffed, "I still don't see how you can take playground equipment so seriously. It's embarrassing."

I wonder how'd she think if her husband was CEO of a condom/other intimate product manufacturer, or a leading animation company that also does stuff for kiddies, or...

Thing is, there's several other fields that can be considered embarassing, including ones that are just silly because they are very specific scientific fields that sound ridiculous to anyone who is not acustomed to science (I sometimes joke about mine), and people in those fields also have significant others, who in majority don't complain about it.

I have to say that that CEO must love his wife very much if he manages to put up with those comments at every reception he goes to...

--
SilhouetteFormula.Net
thomas Wrote:
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> I wonder how'd she think if her husband was CEO of
> a condom/other intimate product manufacturer, or a
> leading animation company that also does stuff for
> kiddies, or...

I think it speaks to the deeper issue of humanity in relationships. It helps if people can understand one another, but most often they don't want to. At best they tolerate each other, which is not the same as accepting one another. This kind of dysfunctional process if fueled by egoism. People just need to be cool. But they can't.


> I have to say that that CEO must love his wife
> very much if he manages to put up with those
> comments at every reception he goes to...

In context it didn't come across that way at all. I guessed the guy was more concerned about how much the divorce would cost him. And my impression of him outside of the above story was that he was every bit as boring and hostile as was his wife. They were a good match in that way.
josh fraser Wrote:
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> Just be happy you are getting laid,someone loves
> you, and enjoy your toys when you can. Everything
> else is cake.


amen.
Gcrush Wrote:
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> I think it speaks to the deeper issue of humanity
> in relationships. It helps if people can
> understand one another, but most often they don't
> want to. At best they tolerate each other, which
> is not the same as accepting one another. This
> kind of dysfunctional process if fueled by egoism.
> People just need to be cool. But they can't.


In mate selection I think a special version of this egoism is at work, where one may see their partner as an extension of themselves, that is, simply another one of their choices.

Now, if you're trying to attract a mate, there are known quantities that narrow your field, for example, not having a car, or living in your parents' basement (for trite examples). Some hobbies may have the same effect. If you're okay with the narrowing, it doesn't matter.

Of course, this dynamic applies in general to all kinds of facets of a courtship. Some variation of "when am I going to reveal fact x about my self?" probably plays out somehow in almost all intimate relationships.
I got really lucky here. My wife collected Transformers as a teenager. She still has a small Pez collection, though her hobbies have run more to gardening now. Her father was a big toy guy, and usually she and her siblings got toys for Christmas, but not necessarily because they wanted them. ;)

In her "wish list" of things to find in a guy was someone who still liked toys. Bingo! Still, her acceptance of my toy habit (certainly more than a hobby I would say) is merely one of benign tolerance, as noted above. She does buy me stuff for birthdays and so on, occasionally makes a comment about them, and does even let me have a whole (small) room for them to be on display. But she's certainly not collecting alongside me.

However, if I had been heavily into toys as I am now when I was dating years ago. Yeah, I think I likely would have held off on revealing my stuff as long as I could.

More serious than thou
I find it funny at the bottom of this page there's a meetlocals.com ad.

Anyways. One interesting dynamic I picked up on in my travels is the difference in collecting toys and making toys/models.

I've been to Botcon twice and both times it was mainly populated with not so good looking guys and a few really not so good looking girls. (I'm being kind. I really mean swamp moose ugly.) These guys came in groups of other guys, displaying their singleness. And the girls were stalked by said guys and mainly dug the attention. Since they wouldn't get that kinda attention in the outside world.

I've been to Wonderfest twice and it was a totally different ballgame. Fairly unattractive guys had really really good looking girls hanging off them. Even the guys making the dreaded titty figs. (they haunt you Sanjeev. THEY HAUNT YOU!) It was a complete twist in the universe and it blew my mind. These guys are into toys too so why the change?

I find its simple yet subtle. Toy collectors just buy. Toy makers build. And to build you have to be skilled with your hands (wink wink nudge nudge), be creative and have a fairly perfectionist mindset. What would this be in a relationship? Attention to the details: listens to mate's issues and takes note of them. Hand/ eye coordination: Rocking that casbah like a tamiya tiger 1. Perfectionism: I'd say pretty on the level financially and responsible. (I know I am since starting to make shit) Creativity: Keeps relationship from being boring. And a slew of other subtle stuff too subtle for me to pick up on.

So solution. MAKE STUFF! DO IT NOW! Sounds reasonable right?
Sanjeev (Admin)
I'm clearly in the wrong line of work. I should be making titty figs...
Sanjeev Wrote:
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> I should be making titty figs...

We should go into business together.
Sanjeev (Admin)
Ooough...on second thought...
josh fraser (Moderator)
"So solution. MAKE STUFF! DO IT NOW! Sounds reasonable right"?

Confidence tends to attract more people. In order to make a career of creativity you need a level of confidence that a typical "fanboy" *might* not have. You are not adhering to someone elses idea of the world ( which you try to validate yourself through aligning with it) but creating your own, through which others are coming to.

Chicks dig power regardless of the medium.
Confidence never did much for me. I usually use the power of my huge junk to attract women. And by huge junk I mean my big ass Chinese boat.
Women must indeed be attracted by huge powerful boats. Just look at any of the fancy magazines with the golf shirt n' dockers wearing codgers, and all the lovely girls in swimmies on deck.
MSW
I am a huge flirt, always have been. So when my dates finally see my toy collection, they are actually relieved...if a little disappointed ;)
repairtechjon Wrote:
> Women must indeed be attracted by huge powerful boats.

The problem with that angle is that so few of us can take advantage of it. In the dating game, political power and naval power go hand in hand. Not many guys can say, "Stick with me, baby, and someday you'll see my name on an aircraft carrier."


p.s. Servbot, that whole post is great, about creators being more attractive than consumers.

-Paul Segal

"Oh, the anger is never far, never far." -SteveH
Sanjeev (Admin)
[www.youtube.com]

...someone had to.
"Stick with me, baby, and someday you'll see my name on an aircraft carrier." is not what I say, I say:
"Stick with me baby, and someday I will put your name on an aircraft carrier."
"Hand/ eye coordination: Rocking that casbah like a tamiya tiger 1. "

This is either the greatest or the worst euphemism ever (possibly both at once).

--
SilhouetteFormula.Net
Oh snap, kids! I found you guys the girl of your dreams. You will battle for her hand in marriage, I promise. [www.youtube.com]
josh fraser (Moderator)
I don't know man, she seems a little scary somehow. ;-)
i can see people worrying about the effect of of their toy rooms on prospective dates. especially if it has any of the heavily stigmatized toy lines. i have actually never encountered any negativite vibes from chicks coming over and seeing my toys. in fact they usually find it interesting or they are just indifferent altogether. i could easily see that being a whole different scene though if i had a star wars or star trek collection. that shit is pure pussy repellant.
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